1. Don’t wear red. Wear violet.
2. Do not spray on perfume. Spritz on alcohol.
3. Hug your dog/cat. They are more lovable than the jerk who’s dumped/been ignoring you for ages.
4. Think that it’s not Valentine’s Day. Think that it’s only the birthday of Kris Aquino
5. Try the time-tested “buy yourself flowers.”
6. Text Balance Inquiry every 2 minutes to give your officemates the impression you are such an in-demand goddess.
7. Ring your own cellphone and start a conversation with somebody who doesn’t exist. Pretend it’s Jake Gyllenhaal.
8. Tell your manly-looking gay friend to act manly for a day and fetch you in the office.
9. Go to your favorite spa and this time look for the male masseur.
10. Start your “How To Make Myself More Gorgeous” 2006 Resolutions now.
11. Visit your favorite fortune-teller/psychic and visualize that all her crap talk about you meeting Mr. Prince Charming soon is coming true
12. Hang out with your fellow lonely girlfriends in Big Papa or White Bird. Do not be distracted by all those screaming Korean women who haven’t been to a raunchy gay bar in their whole lifetime.
13. Drink beer till you drop (in Malate,
not in White Bird or Big Papa)
14. Ditch your collection of mushy love songs. Listen to rock.
15. Watch a movie, in the likes of The Exorcist & The Shining.
16. Do not envy your sexy officemate who got loads of chocolates. Think about the toothache/extra poundage she’s going to suffer from years from now (hmmm, evil!)
17. Work overtime.
18. Pop a pill of Valium by 6 p.m. and just forget about it.
**** Funny “You’re Not Getting Any” pic courtesy of Polo