Because am an egalitarian bitch (babe in total control of herself), it’s only fair that we give men the chance to air their gripes about us. Gather a roomful of men, give them beer and chips, and here’s what they’ll have to answer about post below:

1. They take an eternity dressing up.
2. They take an eternity putting on make-up.
3. They take an eternity to shop.
4. When they shop, they like everything they see.
5. They’re so beauty-conscious.
6. They’ve tried every beauty product/hair treatment/slimming pill on the market.
7. They are perpetually on a diet.
8. Pero may bilbil pa rin.
9. They brush their hair more than the required 100 strokes per day.
10. They look in the mirror all the time
11. They always fish for compliments from us.
12. They are not content with the compliments we give them.
13. They’re obsessive-compulsive about keeping things in their proper place.
14. They leave their what-have-you lying around.
15.They’re overly attached to gossip & entertainment talk shows.
16. Not to mention mushy Korean soap operas.
17.They try to save for their breast augmentation/ liposuction even if it’s beyond their means.
18. They give you gifts they would like to receive themselves.
19. They talk to their girl friends on the phone for too long.
20. When they are with their girl friends, they go to the rest room in droves.
21. They text shamelessly while on dates.
22. With matching pa-picture on their camera phones.
23. They wear too much make-up.
24. They wear too many frilly dresses.
25. When they wear accessories, it looks like they’re carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.
26. They over-analyze things.
27. They have not gotten rid of their pa-cute, colegiala accent.
28.They giggle a lot/laugh too loud.
29. They’re fickle and indecisive.
30. They’re sometimes too clingy it leaves us breathless.
31. They “imagine” too much.
32. They cry too easily.
33. When they drive, it looks like they left their IQ in the garage.
34. When we drive, they scream in total exaggeration.
35. They’re proud in proclaiming themselves to be virgins.
36. They proud in claiming themselves to be virgins.
37. They think it’s yucky to smoke from icky-looking pipes.
38. They think it’s even worse to swallow the leaks from icky-looking pipes.
39. They just lie there and do nothing.
40. When they’re horny, they’re the best, most beautiful lover in the whole world.

Yebaa!

Hehe…

1. They forget appointments.
2. They don’t notice your haircut.
3. They leave their socks lying around.
4. They can be so obsessive-compulsive about keeping things in their proper place.
5. They are more figure- and beauty-conscious than you.
6. They eat only fresh banana and muesli for breakfast.
7. They have the guts to say: “I think you should get a liposuction.”
8. They eat like a pig.
9. They snore.
10. All they do is watch television.
11. They gawk at women with big breasts.
12. They laugh at women with big breasts and no butt.
13. Admittedly, they are more tsismoso than women.
14. They chat too much.
15. They’re such cheapskates they only send you text messages through YM and Chikka.
16. They pick the wrong gifts.
17. But still you are forced to say “My! This is the loveliest piece of (shit) I’ve ever seen!”
18. Their idea of unwinding after a long day is a bottle of beer…in a beerhouse.
19. Their idea of fashion is orange polo shirt over jeans and rubber shoes.
20. They’re so finicky they don’t want a single crease on their pants.
21. They wear colored underwear… as in purple and green
22. They can’t sit still without looking at their cellphone for 10 minutes.
23. They text shamelessly on dates.
24. They keep pictures of their wives/girlfriends in their wallets while openly philandering.
25. They call every girl “sweetheart” and “my dear.”
26. They send you emails meant for someone else.
27. They’re such lousy performers in bed.
28. They’re such goood performers in bed but won’t commit.
29. They forget they don’t stand a chance with Diana Zubiri.
30. They’re so obsessed with the eighteeners and twenty-somethings.
31. They won’t do housework.
32. They play music too loud.
33. They drive too fast.
34. They believe their secretaries more than you.
35. They abhor shopping.
36. They shop with you without giving you the shopping money.
37. They boast about bedding so many women when their dicks are so small, it won’t even fit a gas tank.
38. They like you to go down on them without them going down on you.
39. They think you will be so crazy about them when they go down on you.
40. They expect you to be like their mother.
41. They make fun of women-drivers.
43. They are work-obsessed.
44. They kiss and tell.
45. They have no qualms looking at other women while with you.
46. They have to hang out with their male buddies on Friday nights.
47. They talk about sports all the time.
48. Sometimes, they are too silent. They take the phrase “man of few words to the extreme.”
49. All they want is sex.
50. They are so dense. Case in point: an ex who read this entry asked me: “hindi naman ako ganon di ba?”

SUSME!

*** With apologies to the smug-marrieds and my happily-married/committed friends who wholeheartedly believe in the love & eternity stuff. Of course, am just acting like a pretentious/hypocritical git. *sigh* I need someone…preferably none of the above.

LOL.

My online friend Paul, a surfer from Hawaii in search of an Asian woman to settle down with, is aghast at the fact that he keeps on falling for fag hags in cyberspace.

He doesn’t know it until somebody tells him they are.

Paul tells me the first time, the girl he was seriously chatting with, turned up on this site.

Last week, he excitedly tells me, there’s a new girl he’s fond of who comes from Southern Philippines and “is really good-looking.”

He sends me the pics (I am glad to be a juror of his choices)and as soon as it downloads, I study it and say “uh-oh….nooooh…gay!”

He’s downhearted. Apparently, I am the second person to tell him this.

“How do you know???,” he asks in desperation.

“I just know!,” was my reply. “..from seeing all the fags in Manila. They can even be prettier than us, real women. And the picture is soooo contrived,” I said in reference to her studio shot which was in pink background.She was wearing a pink hat, red bra, and short pink skirt. Even then, there was something about her that screamed formerly masculine.

I tried to console Paul and told him, “but then I could be wrong. Find out for yourself.”

“Well for sure, I don’t want somebody with a dick between his legs,” he replies.

As of the latest, he tells me that he’s trying this Thai website with “really lovely Thai women.”I keep quiet and just mumble something about having cultural and language barriers. Knowing Paul’s penchant for stumbling into gays, I don’t tell him the little-known fact that Bangkok is the sex change capital of the world.

I have to admit: there was a time when the personals fascinated me and got excited with the fact that suddenly, there were all these guys writing me from out of nowhere. But now the novelty has worn off and I am leading my life the way it is.Judging from Paul’s experience as well as some of my friends’, I am now of the opinion that advertising your availability in cyberspace is like asking for punishment. The Capital One.

In fairness, I have gained a lot of friends in cyberbia, quality ones. But one shouldn’t delude oneself that you could fight Mr. Right on YM or the Manila Channel. You have to be grounded on the fact that internet friendships are at best, transitory. Have fun if you want to have fun, but don’t expect l-o-v-e to be written across your computer screen.It is true that people embark on net romances but it is still hard work. Long distance relationships are not for everybody. If you are comfortable hugging your stuffed teddy bear at night instead of a warm body, or if you are okay with the faraway concept of commitment because after all, you hate it when somebody is breathing down your neck every second and minute of your waking life, then by all means do it.

I do agree with an article I read once that the internet is going to change the modern concept of monogamy. You can glean it from all these reports about marriages breaking up because of the Net thing. For how can you be monogamous when you can meet and chat with people in just one click and those E-greetings say “Send the Same Card to Somebody Else?”

Technology has enabled mankind to communicate at the speed of thought and to network with people from far and wide. On the other hand, it has also opened us to the grave dangers of the net, in the process, taking away the things that really matter such as honesty. My mother was probably right when she said: “If you want a man, buy a dog.”