My friend Gay says I should watch Under the Tuscan Sun. Short of saying that it befits me, she says that it’s about a writer (Diane Lane) who’s had a string of failed relationships and then meets her very own Prince Charming who lived with her happily ever after.
Of course I can only give Gay my traditional eyeroll. At this point in time, am not really the most rabid disciple of love. The last time I thought I fell in love, I was 90 per cent sure it wasn’t. I was just in love with the idea of being in love and all its thousand possibilities. But human nature has its frailties and it was bound to hurt me in one way or another.
Gay says I had become a complete cynic. She noted this after Crush of the Moment (COTM)complained in front of her that he has invited me to dinner a few times and that I had not replied in the affirmative. I told her why should I? Even though he was my COTM, there were a few reasons not to, among them his being very busy and the fact that he has a girl. Therefore, he was only bound to break my heart.
I must admit that my careful attitude these days is shaped by reading Dr. Barbara de Angelis. Klarisse had given her books to me soon after she found out that her bigamous husband was married to other women (yes, that’s a plural) . At that stage, she was disgusted about love and thought it better to bequeath her titles to me, namely: Secrets about Life Every Woman Should Know, How To Make Love All the Time, and my favorite, Are You The One For Me?
Anyway, I get a kick out of reading de Angelis’ articles such as Why We Choose the People We Love, Falling In Love for All The Wrong Reasons, Six Qualities To Look For In a Mate… and all that stuff.
Being in this blissfully unattached state, I thought there’s no better time to digest something which will guide me in my next choice of a mate… unless of course am bound to be the love loser that I am. I have to admit I am pretty impulsive when it comes to love and no amount of advice or admonition can already get to me when I am in the throes of passion. Therefore, it really needs to be grilled in my head that I have to be rational and discerning instead of investing too much of my heart.
Anyway, I do agree with de Angelis about the Six Biggest Mistakes People Make in the Beginning of a Relationship (and I thought it would be good to share it here):
1. We don’t ask enough questions.
2. We ignore warning signs of potential problems.
3. We make premature compromises.
4. We give in to Lust Blindness.
5. We give in to material seduction
6. We put commitment before compatibility.
In her own opinion, she also states the Ten Types of Relationships That Won’t Work:
1. You care more about your partner than he does about you.
2. Your partner cares more about you than you do about him.
3. You are in love with your partner’s potential.
4. You are on a rescue mission.
5. You look up to your partner as a role model.
6. You are infatuated with your partner for external reasons.
7. You have partial compatibility.
8. You choose a partner in order to be rebellious.
9.You choose a partner as a reaction to a previous partner.
10. Your partner is unavailable.
When is a partner considered “unavailable???”
* with someone, but promises to leave soon
* with someone, but he doesn’t really love her
*with someone, but they’re not having sex anymore
*with someone, but says he’s just staying for the kids
*with someone, but she knows about you and it’s all right
*with someone and isn’t leaving, but wants you to stick around anyway
* just left someone, but might be going back.